» Sunbathing in Florida
A widowed Jewish lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a deserted beach in Boca Raton, Florida.
She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him;
"How are you today?"
"Fine, thank you." he responded, and turned back to his book.
"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.
"First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago." he replied and turned back to his book.
"I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away three years ago and it is very lonely, she countered "Do you live around here?" She asked.
"Yes, I live over in Pompano." he answered, and again he resumed reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, "Do you like pussy cats?"
With that, the man dropped his book, came over to her blanket, tore off her swimsuit and the most passionate lovemaking ensued enveloping them in a self-made sand storm.
When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man;
"How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man replied; "How did you know my name was Katz?"
» Joining the Scottish Golf Club
An elderly Scottish Jew has decided to take it a little easier and take up golf. So he puts his name down at the local club. After a week he receives a message that his application has been turned down. So he goes down to the club to enquire why.
Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club?
Scot: Aye but I am as Scottish as you are Jock.
Secretary: This means that on formal occasions we wear kilts.
Scot: Aye, so do I.
Secretary: You are aware that we wear nothing under our kilts?
Scot: Aye, neither do I.
Secretary: But you are a Jew?
Scot: Aye, I be that.
Secretary: So you are circumcised?
Scot: Aye, I be that too.
Secretary: I am terribly sorry, but the members just would not feel comfortable with that.
Scot: Ach, away with ya man. I know that you have to be a Protestant to march with the Orangemen. I know that you have to be a Catholic to become a Knight of Columbus. But this is the first time I heard that you have to be a complete prick to join a golf club.